| (no subject) |
[Dec. 17th, 2008|01:31 am] |
| [ | music on |
| | Geraldine - When The Rooster Crows | ] |
So it's been some time since I've made any entries. It seems much longer than it actually has. I don't know where to start.
Before I went to bed tonight I realized I had to run out to my car and get a couple things(a book to read for one) and I simply did not feel like putting on pants. So out I went with just a t shirt and some underpants into a cold and snowy-blanketed night to retrieve some belongings. One step out the door and I realized it was one of "those" nights.
Everything is so silent right now, but it's to the point that I can hear every breath and every muscle movement in complete clarity. I can even hear my heart beat. The snow will do that. It dampens all the sound and you feel cocooned in the open air.
The other half to what draws me into nights like this is the lights playful bounce from snow crystal to snow crystal. making everything luminescent. Tree branches, roofs and even the ground. So as I stood out in the back parking lot of my apartment in my underwear I realized how badly I wanted to go do something. Be it a walk or a drive someplace. But it hit me that it was almost 2am. I needed to go to bed.
So inside I went after retrieving my things and standing a moment too short in the glowing cocoonlike late night air. I lay down in bed, ready to read until my eyes burned and my arms ached from holding a book above my face and I get the urge to write. So I send a text to my girlfriend.
Short and sweet. It didn't sate my needs. My message across I decided to write some more. Describing tonight was why I got back out of bed and turned on the geekbox. I don't want to forget what nights like this feel like. I hope there are more of them soon.
Over the summer I was lucky enough to meet a girl who can tolerate me for more than 5 minutes. We're dating now and I must say I'm enjoying things greatly. She's pretty amazing and as far as I know everything I've been looking/waiting for.
So I'm happy.
I'm looking forward to the holidays earlier than usual for once. It's strange, I'm never one to spread of well receive holiday cheer but this year seems like it will be a good one. I look forward to the year "two thousand-nine" and not "twenty-oh-nine" which sounds dumb. I feel positive for once in a long, long, long time. I'm pleased with my friends, new and old. I miss some and wish they'd come back. I'm slowly, ever so slowly taking steps at making globally conscious decisions in what I buy, eat etc.
I hope this energy keeps up and blasts me into next year with plenty of momentum. I'll need it I'm sure. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 6th, 2008|07:14 am] |
by the time it was a lock that Obama had won Ohio, little Lake County was still in the red.
I was upset. Did Mentor, Perry and Kirtland Hills really fuck up that bad? Or were we going to be as smart as Cuyahoga, Franklin, Hamilton, Summit, Ashtabula and Mahoning counties?
Well according to google's map yesterday LAKE COUNTY IS SMART! Or at least it has 345 voters smart enough to NOT vote Republican.
Granted, out of the 88 counties in Ohio they were but a few of the mere 20 Obama took. But that was enough to win the state.
For the first time in 8 years. I am proud to live and vote in Ohio.
Also, the Casino bullshit issue didn't pass and the issue putting a cap on predatory "payday loans"(legalized loansharking) passed so that's pretty good. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 24th, 2008|12:07 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | music on |
| | AC/DC - Ride On | ] |
stolen from chanty and I'm a sucker.
and since I have over 10,000 mp3s I'm just going to take the first and last band from each letter of the alphabet. not bad... files it down to about 1400 songs.
Here's what you do: Go to your MP3 player or whatever jukebox program you use, play on random or shuffle, and answer each with the name of the song that comes up. Don't skip, NO CHEATING. It doesn't always make sense, but...
1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Royal Pendletons - I'll Be Gone
2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Wax Museums - Mosquito
3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Valient Thorr - Fall Of Pangea
4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
C Average - Strider '88
5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
XTC - I'd Likeplighgbnfjdebv this is so dumb and i hate it the end |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 25th, 2008|02:40 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
i'm still alive
i bought a car
mine's the nicer looking white one |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 31st, 2008|01:35 am] |
Today is my birthday so feel free to wish me something that's not gonna happen.
Like a happy one... |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 10th, 2008|08:36 pm] |
so today was probably the first "cold" day in a long time, at least this summer. it rained on and off and was heavily overcast save some briefs rays of sun here and there.
I thought I was waiting for this all summer long. for the heat to break and I'd be able to wear jeans without feeling stifled and suffocated. I could've worn my leather jacket today had I really really wanted to.
Yet nothing about today was sweet or satisfying or even fun. I feel like crap. Today felt like crap. All summer long I've felt like crap because of the heat and now that the cold weather showed up for the day I've felt none better.
what is it now? what am I missing here? I woke up so cold this morning and it did not feel good or right. nothing feels right. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 30th, 2008|06:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music on |
| | broadcast - corporeal | ] |
sometimes I get sad for no reason. or for stupid reasons. sometimes i get so worried that it makes me sad. that i have so much to be worried about.
I shouldn't have anything weighing that heavily upon me that it worries me into depression. not now. not ever. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 26th, 2008|02:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  no words | ] |
everyone else seems to have all the answers about my life these days.
so I'll ask everyone here a question I haven't been able to answer myself.
how long will i remain in a perpetual state of failure in regards to everything I attempt before i can classify myself as a total failure at life? someone entirely unfit to live in this awful world.
i haven't felt this bad in a long time.
it feels weird to realize how alone you've been your whole life and have people tell you "that's not the way it's going to end."
why would anything change now? I've never even been given the chance to find out how to act or react towards having a significant other. I've been close here and there, but nothing that's ever happened to me could be considered as "experience."
I suppose that, in that sense, it's no question why I've never had a "real" or "normal" relationship with anyone... no one wants to be with someone so used to being alone.
what's even weirder is that I'm 26 and feel this way. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 26th, 2008|01:08 am] |
yup.
it's official, i hate the world |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 21st, 2008|12:32 am] |
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am I allowed to hate the everything and everyone, how they act, what they say and do. because i'm starting to hate everything about the world lately. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 9th, 2008|07:07 pm] |
BUTT!FUCK!
So the Cleveland Art Museum has been under renovation for a long time and they just re-opened the "original" section of the museum. I was going to go today and meet a couple people up there and enjoy a couple hours of the freshly opened art museum. I pull into the parking lot and... THEY'RE CLOSED! Power outage. Fucking $8 in gas wasted.
And to add to that, I'm bored now and have nothing to do except go drink... ick. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 9th, 2008|12:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!
(update to follow) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 1st, 2008|12:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | crushed | ] |
| [ | music on |
| | Compulsive Gamblers - Sour & Vicious Man | ] |
i feel like giving up
or giving in
I don't know which |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 23rd, 2008|09:47 pm] |
|
the comments on my jounral appear to be more interesting than the post |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 22nd, 2008|03:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | always the same | ] |
| [ | music on |
| | Lou Reed - Make Up | ] |
Today I woke up around 1:30 in the afternoon. I hate days like this. I slept late, and rightly so. I probably didn't get to bed until close to 4am last night. But this time I feel a little clearer on the subject at hand. I have/had no plans for today. It's not uncommon for this to happen. It's just that. On the weekends I SHOULD have something to do or someone I should be able to see. The point is, I don't. And with no point and no prospects, I have no reason to get out of bed. I may wake up like clockwork at 8am but I'll lay awake just until I fall back asleep. 9, 10, 11 all roll around. I'm not tired. I just don't have anything to do.
I'm so sick of being this way. I hate that I feel like I have to be told what to do. I don't know why it's always been like that. I feel so incapable of starting my own life. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 16th, 2008|09:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | music on |
| | Modern Jazz Quartet - Rose Of The Rio Grande | ] |
I made friends with 2 very pretty girls this weekend.
That is all. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 7th, 2008|10:59 am] |
| [ | music on |
| | The Statics - Burgers & Fries | ] |
i want a pinball tattoo
problem is, i don't know what image i could possibly display that really illustrates, in a sensible fashion, my undying love of pinball.
and no, it will not contain the words "pinball wizard" because, while I do truly love the game, i'm not very good at it. |
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| it finally happened |
[May. 15th, 2008|01:09 am] |
my iPod is full.
I just had to go in and take a bunch of stuff off.
among the fallen were all the 2nd discs to my elvis costello albums :(
On the plus side I have enough room for something like 20 more albums... at least. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 10th, 2008|03:47 pm] |
i think i have a problem
Dave Brubeck - Brubeck Plays Brubeck
Elvis Costello - My Aim Is True(w/ Stiff Records label!)
Guitar Explosion - The Electric Underground
Focus - Live At The Rainbow
Judas Priest - Sad Wings of Destiny
Total: $20
and I'm still waiting for my record player to be fixed... i think i may have to lock myself in my apartment for a weekend when it's finally working again just so I can listen to these albums. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 6th, 2008|12:50 am] |
i;m too drunk to update my muxtape.
see you suckers later. |
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